But, the 2008 presidential candidates have largely ignored the issue, instead choosing to play politics with pointless issues like war and national security.

Frankly, this is appalling, but not surprising. Politicians such as those running for president are scared to expose their true views on a complex issue. Rudy Giuliani, for example, flip-flopped by rooting for the Red Sox in the World Series after declaring himself the “Yankees fan in chief.”

I’m sick of the candidates dogding the questions, so I got together with some Congressmen who have asked the tough questions about sports, and had them challenge the candidates themselves.

The Congressmen and political figures I chose were:

As you can see, this committee is bipartisan, made up of two Republicans, two Democrats, and one Loser.

Though they all have varying interests, and followings–Mr. Barton has the support of “LSU Alumni for a Full Share of the 2003-04 National Championship.” Spector and Nader have been driven by “T.O. for Me.”–they all have one thing in common: a commitment to the truth.

To get to the truth, we staged a political debate last night. Here is the transcript:

Mr. Barton: Let’s bring this debate to order. First topic will be the BCS. Now, the BCS has once again abused the rights of so many football teams, mostly Georgia. They didn’t get a fair chance at the national title just because they didn’t win the SEC. Your thoughts Romney?

Mr. Romney: Well, you present me with a tough question: How do we decide on just two teams for the national championship? Deciding on two abortion positions is easy enough, but there are way too many college football teams to make a politically beneficial choice. I mean Hawaii went undefeated. LSU only lost two in overtime…

The first two major primary battles are Iowa and New Hampshire, so I’ll go with Iowa vs. N.H. …But those answers are subject to change.

Mr. Spector: Thank you, Romney, now our next question goes to…

Little Ralphie: I think I’ll take it from here. Spector is part of the corrupt two party system, so he’s unqualified to take part in this debate. Anyway, Clinton, this is for you. If you had been president these past four years, what would you have done about Terrell Owens’ situation in Philadelphia?

Clinton: Now, you ought to be ashamed of yourself for trying to attack with that question. You don’t…

Ralphie: Excuse me, Bill, but the question was aimed at your wife. You can let her answer.

Mrs. Clinton: If I were president over the past four years, I would have pardoned the honorable Mr. Owens from his punishment. If there is one thing my Oval Office experience as first lady has taught me, it is how to pardon people.

Mr. Mitchell: Thank you, Clinton. This question is for Giuliani. If elected, what do you plan to do about steroids in baseball?

Mr. Giuliani: Yes, 9/11 was a tragedy, but I was there fighting the terrorists in New York City. I’ll do it again.

Mr. Mitchell: The question was about steroids.

Mr. Giuliani: Yes, I hate steroid users, too. In fact, I view them as terrorists. So I’d remove all terrorists from Guantanamo Bay and fill it with anyone who is named in your report, Mitchell. I will also launch an attack on San Francisco and any other city that harbors steroid users.

Ms. Sanchez: Thank you, Giuliani. This final question is for Edwards. What is your view on the NFL Player’s Association not giving enough aid to their retired players?

Mr. Edwards: I think it’s terrible. And something needs to be done about it. It is clear that the players are not getting enough benefits, and something has to be done about it. If elected, I would first sue the NFL and the NFL Player’s Association. Then, I would sue each individual team. Then I’d sue the corporate sponsors that subsidize the NFL’s brutality. That includes you, United Way. I’d also sue Peyton Manning. He’s in all the corporate sponsors’ commercials. Then, I’d sue the fans who pour money into the leaguer. Finally, I’d sue the retired players themselves, and the problem would be solved.

Mitchell Blatt: Thank you everyone for participating. This has been a very educational debate. I hope everyone reading this now has a better idea of who to vote for on Election Day.

Space Man Kucinich: Wait, you forgot about me!

Mr. Obama: There, there. Don’t cry, baby. I didn’t have a fair shot either, but that’s because there were only four questions.

More of My Ignorant Opinions on Government and Sports
Robert Byrd on Michael Vick: Barbaric!
The NFL and Imperialism