Baseball (To Paul Hoynse)

Q: Hey, Hoynsie: I think the Indians will be fine when they get David Dellucci’s right handed bat and defense in the lineup. He’s a proven winner.-Betty, Rocky River

A: Hey, Stoopid: Dellucci is batting .234 for the season. That’s worse that the team’s post-All-Star break average of .248. The Indians overall average is .268. They are 14-18 since the break, and nine of their twelve key players have lower averages that they did before the break. It’s called a slump. It may continue forever, but most likely, the Indians will be somewhat improved by the time the playoffs start.

Basketball (To Branson Wright)

Q: Hey Branson: Are the Cavs interested in bringing in any vets such as PJ Brown, Gary Payton, Charles Oakley, or Scottie Pippen? Although they may not provide much on offense, they could assist us in physical/mental toughness, areas which we desperately need.-Torri, Beachwood

A: Hey, Stoopid: Lets see, of the four players you mentioned, Payton and Brown are the only ones who are still playing. Payton said that he wanted to stay with Miami and try once more to win a championship there. That leaves Brown. In 72 games, he average 6 points per game. I know you think he might improve their mental toughness, but the gospel of the veteran is mostly a lie. Just by having someone providing “leadership” and “experience,” a team doesn’t really improve much. For that matter, LeBron already has a lot of leadership of his own.

Q: Hey Branson: …What are the Cavs doing to improve their roster? (Why didn’t they trade for Garnett?)… -Greg, Massillon

A: Hey, Stoopid: Great insight, Greg. I wouldn’t have known that the Cavs haven’t done anything to improve their roster, if it wasn’t for the whiny talk show hosts complaining about it 24-7. You can’t have a big offseason every year. They improved their roster a lot in the past few years, but some of those moves hurt the team for the future. Giving Z excess of $10 million a year is grossly overcompensating him and making him untradable. Hughes has been underperforming ever since he got injured two years ago and had his brother die, and he also has a big contract. They won’t be able to do much until those contracts expire. Z’s contract is up for option after the 2008-09 season.

Football (To Tony Grossi)

Q: Hey, Tony: Why didn’t the Browns consider Ken Dorsey as a potential starter against Kansas City? … -Brad, Palo Alto, CA

A: Hey, Stoopid: Maybe because he’s a complete waste of carbon, oxygen, nitrogen, and phosphorus, not suited to start at quarterback? Now, I’m not saying that Charlie Frye and Derek Anderson aren’t also wastes of carbon, oxygen, and phosporus, who shouldn’t start at QB. It’s just that Frye and Anderson aren’t nearly so complete in the failure. Frye can at least achieve 60% completions. Dorsey is stuck at 54% for his career. I don’t think there should be much concert over who quarterbacks now, because Quinn will be in by week 4, if not earlier.

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